An affair can ruin any marriage but this doesn't have to be the case. If you know how to deal with the affair and begin the healing process as soon as possible, you can have your marriage back. Here are some of the steps that you should take to rid your marriage of the pain of an affair and move on to a happy marriage.
Step #1 End the affair.
The affair has to be ended before healing can begin. You can't expect everyone to be happy in a marriage when a third person is involved. Constant fighting for affection and time will take a serious and negative toll on self esteem and general happiness.
Step #2 Seek help for entire family.
Aside from the affair potentially destroying your marriage, it also has an effect on children. There is a distinct lack of attention given tot he family by the cheating spouse and children are often attuned to changes like this. Take the entire family to counseling or educate yourself on what you need to do to make your family feel whole and loved again.
Step #3 Give time to heal.
Anyone would need time to heal after the emotional trauma of an affair. On both sides. The person who cheated will need time to get over the affair and you need to give them this time so they don't end up resenting the marriage that you are now trying to restore. The person who was betrayed will need the most time to heal because there are many deep feelings of hurt, pain, betrayal and mistrust.
Step #4 Forgive.
You have to learn to forgive all of the mistakes that both parties in the marriage have made if you want to move on. You cannot have a bright future if you are still holding on to the past. A clear sign of having forgiven someone is when you can think about the issue and not feel incredibly hurt or compelled to bring it up every time you fight about small things.
Step #5 Leave the kids out of the fights.
Lets face it, kids can be an incredible responsibility that can lead to many arguments and disagreements but that does not warrant using them as ammunition in fights about the affair. Saying things like "Look at how you've hurt me and the kids" or "Our children will never love you again" are highly inappropriate and destructive comments to make. The affair issue is between you and your partner and no one else. Children might not be able to process what is happening and will take the things you say as the truth about them and begin to believe that they will never love that parent again.
Step #6 Keep your marriage exciting.
Part of the healing is acting the part of a happy marriage. Do things that you both consider to be fun and eventually all of the excitement will bring you both back to the marriage and wanting to spend more time together. Remember, the point is to get your marriage working again in a non-hostile way.
Step #7 Believe it can work!
You can restore your marriage, you can make it work and you don't have to live with pain and hurt for the rest of your life. All you have to do in addition to applying the steps above is learn more. Marriage is a complex and dynamic relationship and each couple has a unique set of factors that influence their happiness.
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